Fostering Grit and Increasing Your Child's Frustration Tolerance

Triggers and Situations that Lower a Child's Frustration Tolerance:

• School/Academics
• Social Interactions
• Being in a Family
• LIFE! (i.e. it’s unavoidable for most)

How do we build grit and increase frustration tolerance?

1 Exposure.  Remember that exposure to germs builds a better immune systems?  Well, exposure to frustration builds stronger emotional development.  It sounds counter-intuitive, but in the long run, sickness makes you healthier and frustration makes you calmer.

2 Stand back. Observe. Don't come to the rescue too soon. Be patient and believe in your child. Let your child experience frustration.

3 Encourage the expression of emotions. Hearing children when they're upset stinks, but stomps and screams are just as normal as giggles and coos (though less pleasant). Frustrated children crying are as normal as happy children laughing. Children need to know that healthy emotions (and expressions)are normal and acceptable.  Feelings aren't scary.

4 Let them experience the consequences of their choices. Sometimes staying up too late means they are tired the next morning. Not being ready on time might mean a quick breakfast in the car or no time to eat until lunch (they won’t starve in one day!)

5 Set boundaries and stick to them. Children need to hear "no" every so often.To a toy while grocery shopping. To another episode of TV. To a second bowl of ice cream.  Kids need limits, and they need their parents to be in control enough to stick to them. (some kids don’t expect you to stick to them after a while of feeling that they always get their way!)

6 Be a role model. How do you act when you are frustrated? We all use coping skills, some healthier than others and some of us are more aware of our skills than others.

7 Teach coping tools. Count to 10. Take deep breaths. Or sing a line fromDaniel Tiger, "When you're feeling frustrated, take a step back, stomp three times and ask for help."  

8 Play board games. They require taking turns, following rules, and losing every now and again. (Don’t let them win every time!)

9 “Expectation Theory.” If you expect bad things to happen, bad things are more likely to happen.  If you expect things will go well, things are more likely to go well.  This isn’t a promise of things going perfectly according to plan but sets a child up for success.  Expectation Theory combined with a plan is the way to go!

‍

Research shows GRIT is one of the best predictors for success, regardless of intelligence. GRIT is also not dependent on talent. We need failure in life to build GRIT to learn that failure is not a permanent condition.

‍